EMOTION BEARER’S DIATRIBE (Sestina)

 

A climate that compels me to wear the embodiment
of a fictitious smile is such a practical bother.
The magnitude of effort needed to become transparent
is lost on humans with instinctive tendencies to trace weight
to the vicinities that house all matters of inward enormity.
The gravity that grounds me fluctuates in proportion to my smile’s truth.

I feel compressed in dispositional parentheses of truth
on such days, obligated to be the embodiment
of perseverance on the pedestal of fate’s hypothesized enormity.
I am velcro to the sticker bushes of lopsided chemicals that bother
my attempts at dodging gravity with plaintive weight.
Curse you chemicals, for drowning me before my smiles turn transparent.

Are you listening, insipid seers of the transparent?
No badge of honour beckons for your breast in exchange for the truth
you muster in your own image. Enjoy the weight
you carry and cannot define. It’s the embodiment
of the mundane tolerance you call a comfort zone; a bother
all its own. Triviality you claim as everyday enormity.

It’s an indecisive kind of fun, tracking sense of enormity
in those who claim reality behind the smiles I know are transparent.
Yes, I know the difference, yet why bother
when it matters that only you care for the truth?
On such a hollow stage, solace wears the embodiment
of wardrobe not preoccupied with periodic placement so much as now’s weight.

Circumstantial, consequential, existential weight:
all implicit avenues converging on a subjective impression of enormity.
Riders on the black ice of a self-denial’s embodiment
take on the features of the element that took them there: transparent,
bereaved of grip, a gloss of aesthetic weather trifling with the treads of truth.
Let it slide, then let it crash into the immobility of a rejected cause for bother.

Like the organizer of a failed intervention, I strain to put a volume on the bother
left to be invested in the ones that deem my efforts to improve a life an artificial weight.
Like the subject of a failed intervention, I joust with the potential to impale the truth,
yet I’m burdened with this stiff, hermetic tether to the enormity
of feeling written off for being visually transparent
by the turgid regiment of ignorance’s slime-lipped embodiment.

I am a bother to the self-proclaimed appraisers of societal enormity.
I have been dubbed a slab of dead weight doubling as socially transparent.
I know the truth of my reality but can’t forget the fiction from the antithesis of my embodiment.

03 27 16

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